Humor
Inflation is a bitch.
69 will now be called 96.
Due to inflation, the cost of eating out has increased.
Recall-ability
Call a woman beautiful a million times—she won’t recall any.
Call her fat—she’ll remember forever.
Because elephants never forget!
Police arrested two kids yesterday…
“Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.”
Tommy Cooper
From Emo Philips
“Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!” He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”
He said, “Yes.” I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?” He said, “A Christian.” I said, “Me, too!
Protestant or Catholic?” He said, “Protestant.” I said, “Me, too!
What franchise?” He said, “Baptist.” I said, “Me, too!
Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?” He said, “Northern Baptist.” I said, “Me, too!
Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.” I said, “Me, too!
Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.” I said, “Me, too!”
Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”
I said, “Die, heretic!”
And I pushed him over.”
— Emo Philips
Trumped
So I was playing cards with some friends, one of whom is new to cards.
They asked about trumps.
One friend responded, “Trump always wins.”
I immediately added, “Unless he is running for president.”
Tired of taxes?
Feeling taxed? Why not start a religion? They are tax-exempt after all.
Wait—I get the feeling that you think I am being facetious. I’m not.
For example, imagine a science fiction writer, unhappy with being paid poorly, and then taxed on top of that. He starts a religion, mixes in a smattering of psychiatry and then, for good measure, obscures facts with a bit of scientific façade. Throw in an alien overlord and bits and pieces from the pages of yesteryear’s pulpy science fiction. Extort the IRS into turning a blind eye—and voilà—a “religion” is born!
Ok. You got me. Clearly, I’m making all of this up. Forget that I brought this up, and go about paying your taxes. Sometimes, my imagination runs wild.
"Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion."
A quick laugh
Did you hear about the guys who stole a truck load of Viagra?
The police are looking for a couple of hardened criminals.
